It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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