i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize