Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize