It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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