We named our party play list daddy issues
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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