Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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