just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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