It's like God shit irony all over that family
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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