Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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