I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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