She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's blow job season.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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