First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want to fling myself into the sun
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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