Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize