totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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