You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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