come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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