I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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