I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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