If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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