fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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