last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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