see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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