I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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