Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize