When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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