So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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