Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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