its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
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