If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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