i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize