dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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