2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
why is half of my head shaved?
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