yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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