That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize