Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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