Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You made out with two different species that night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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