I'm so fucking centered right now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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