i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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