she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize