Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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