four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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