I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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