drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need to calm my uterus...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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