I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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