She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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