I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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