I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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