I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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