You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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