well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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